Category: the Rant Board
I miss childfree rant boards. Most of 'em, geared towards the childless who generally don't want kids, are great places to complain about negligent parents and bratty kids, but most of 'em don't take parents. Even if you hide that aspect of your lives, someone figures it out.
That said, here is my bratty kid rant. My parents made sure we as kids in the '70's didn't call mom or dad's adult friends by their first names even in talk involving 'em when they weren't with us. "Don't call Mr. Smith 'Bob', call him Mr. Smith." Even if it was a former or deceased public official we weren't to refer to 'em by a first or nick name, but "Former President", or "the late" President ___. What in the heck is up with this children talking to adults like their latest friend on the playground? What is up with that? I shudder to think how these kids are going to treat their teachers, or an interviewer when they want a job.
I grounded Mimi. No fun stuff like minigolf or ice cream or even a trip to the playground this weekend. She behaved hORRIBLY for her father & college age cousin at the beach today. Pitt & Jolie couldn't have done such an acting job when she got back.
After she took a nap, I told her the only thing I would do outside the house with her was take a walk...no playground, the route mom wanted to take. She saw her dad on a fence with a friend and wanted to go one way, I made her go the other way I chose. She cried and pitched a fit, but tough, her father had already dealt w her misbehavior. Brat boy, about 6 years old, jumps out at us and goes "HEY"! This isn't the first such encounter. "Why is she crying?" By then I was annoyed. "Because she misbehaved", which was the truth. "HEY Are you her mom"? By then I had had enough of being talked to like his schoolyard friend, and told him "It's none of your business." Reply "HEY It's none of your business either"." Final reply by me "It's none of your business, leave us alone!" We continued on what turned out to be a wonderful mother/daughter walk.
I'm fed up with modern kids in my neighborhood. I'm a petite adult, but still obviously an adult. Who teaches 'em it's appropriate to start conversations with adults as if they are just older piers? I have been asked how old I am, one teenage brat girl got a much younger child on the playground to ask me stuff, and I finally told him it was none of his business, one child at a place we go for Kids' Night spoke to me directly, even asking me about the way I talk. I don't think he's cute or precocious, I think he is a brat. Not to mention all of these crimes that involve missing or victimized kids...maybe their being allowed to treat every adult as a potential new friend is partially responsible for their being victimized. Whatever happened to children of guests socializing with children in the house and speaking to them only when spoken to or when in need of something, like "Excuse me, may I please have a glass of water?" While I'm not big on Mr Sponge's native culture, there is a sensibility in it in that children refer to unknown adults, like neighbors, as "amu" or uncle for a man, "amti" or aunt for a woman, the adult's first name is NEVER used. I am not these children's contemporary and don't like being talked to like one.
I'm not a parent, but I notice that too, where kids are not tought or encouraged to refer to adults by who they are, making it feel like they can more easily treat that person as just a friend. My niece and nephews are like that; they still respect me as their aunt, but they only call me "Leilani", which honestly feels weird and uncomfortable to me whenever they do it. My siblings and some of my cousins and I were taught to call our uncles and aunts "uncle"/"tio",, or "aunt"/"tia", and then they're name. I'm even used to refering to people like my friends' parents and Professors by Mr. or Ms/Mrs. (whatever their last name is), even if they were to let me just call them by their first name. With neighbors and family friends though, my parents have always called them by their first name and we were not told not to do that, so I don't feel as weird about it. But it's with people like older relatives, teachers, etc. where just their name is used without the title that feels awkward to me to hear. We were even taught to call our grandparents Grandma (last name), and although I've somewhat gotten used to my niece and nephews calling theirs Grandma/Grandpa (first name), I could never call my grandparents by theirs. A similar situation to this which I think you've mentioned is when kids are treating and talking to, especially, their own parents as if they were a peer. I think it's cool when kids and parents feel like they can share their feelings and opinions, but it's a different thing when a kid is talking back rudely when told or asked to do something or when she/he is ordering their parent or another person to do or give them something instead of at least including the word "please". I do think though, that most of how a kid treats their parents or other adults has a lot to do with how they see others acting around them; my sister and brothers and most of my cousins don't use the uncle/aunt titles so my niece and nephews don't use them either. Also, I might be wrong, but it seems like not all, but a lot of today's shows display this kind of behavior more as well to where it would be seen as very normal and funny. Just my thoughts on all this.
Many adults today encourage this. You know, in the yee old days of child rearing, kids were seen as lower beeings and were to be seen and not heard.
Today, kids and adults are viewed as more equal. If mr. Smith's first name is Bob, and Bob allows it, a child should be allowed to say "hello Bob." I see nothing wrong with that unless they say something like:
"Yo, Bobby-boy!"
that's the same in our family. we always call our uncles and aunty uncle this, aunty that. but when it comes to mum and dad, they are called by there proper names. i never understood why people just refered to them as " mum", or " dad"
as for the school thing, yes we did the same. mr mannering, mrs wilkinson, mr southall.. but when we got in to senior year we were allowed to use there proper mnames. it always made me feel uneasy if i couldn't do it.
As a child, I was taught to speak formally to an adult unless that adult wished not to be spoken to that way. There were also rank parameters. If the adult was a teacher or other authority figure, then Mr. Mrs. Or Ms. Always proceeded the name. But if the adult was someone like a college-age neighbor the rule was more flexible. I usually found whenever I tried to address adults by their last names, they’d encourage me not to. My theory is most adults today see the Mr. or Mrs. Title as a sign they’re getting old, and want nothing to do with it.
I’m actually curious about something. Once a child gets older, late teens early twenties, should the formal speech rules still apply in the family? I wonder because some parts of my family use the aunty/uncle title even into their forties, and in some parts of my family Uncle Bob’s always been just Bob and so on. Lol I have a huge family, sue me.
I would personally think so. My mom explained that it's out of respect that we're supposed to call people by their titles; that's how her and Dad's families were taught, and so that's how they tried to teach us to do that. I think it just got more relaxed after awhile (I mean because most parents are not going to scold a 20- or 30something-year-old for not using titles), but I'm 27 and still use the titles aunt/uncle, and we also have a pretty large family too by the way. *smile*
I'm 19, and I was raised in the south. Even my boyfriend of two years, I still call his mom and dad Mr and Mrs. It just feels weird for me to address someone I see as a respected adult by first name. If an adult and a kid are informal and if the adult is ok with it, then there's nothing wrong with using first names. But I don't know, I know previous generations of kids were to bee seen and not heard, but I can't help but think that the lack of formality and respect is what's wrong with brats today.
wow I sound old.
Here's the thing about my family. Not only is it huge, but there's a huge caucasian group on one side and a huge African American group on the other. And then there was my household. Each of the three groups had their own dynamics and rules, so visiting relatives on either side was always sort of a culture shock for me. Sure complicated things...
And I wish there was some acceptable middle ground between the extremes of the "kids are property" era and today's brand of insanity. Some families are able to pull it off, somehow... One more reason for me never to have kids. lol
I don't get all these rules and regulations. Just because formal titles are not always used, it doesn't mean thhe kids don't have respect.
I've always been taught to call adults by their respective title unless they tell me otherwise. even now, if I run into someone who's older than me and they're a total stranger, I tend to ask them how they wish to be addressed, and i'm twenty-two. lol
I was taught to call authority figures, such as teachers, doctors etc. by their titles because they've earned the right. Strangely enough, we hardly ever call leaders by their titles, i.d. president, first lady etc. Even now, I only do that when I truly respect someone i.e. President Papoulias. But if someone was a friend of the family, there was never a distinction made between how my family addressed them or how I addressed them as a child. If my family called the friend Mr. Smith, I'd do the same. But if they called him Bob, I'd do likewise. I can certainly understand the concern when it comes to calling teachers etc. by their first names. In fact, I found it bit offputting when my mobility instructors and even some of my college professors, and especially the dean, wanted me to call them by their first names. Oddly enough, I've known one woman since I was in elementary school. She's my personal friend, not a friend of the family, and to this day I still address her as Mrs. even though I know it's perfectly acceptible for me to call her by her first name. I see no problem with children, or anyone for that matter, asking about age. This idea of women hiding their ages is a ridiculous and obsolete one, created out of some weird sense of shame. That said, if someone didn't want to tell me, I'd just think "whatever" and wouldn't ask them. If children want to know things that aren't personal or of an adult nature and if they ask questions in a nice way, even about an accent, I don't see the harm. They're curious and wish to learn things. It's important that they ask questions and don't feel like prisoners or like they're in boot camp or even just that they can't ask anything out of fear of punishment. That said, interrupting, as with adults, is rude and should be stopped. I'm also a big perponent of manners and things like "may I", "please" and "thank you" as these were part of my upbringing. I was always taught that there was a difference between parents and friends. The reason behind this, Mom said, is that friends come and go, but parents stick around and if I really need something, I need to be able to know that I can trust my parents as parents first and not simply friends. Thanks, margorp, for an excellent post in 3. There's a difference between merely calling someone by their first name and being disrespectful about it. I was brought up with respect from Mom. Yes, I was the daughter and she was the mother but there was never any inferiority and superiority about it. If she told me to do something and I asked why, she never said "because I said so". She'd actually tell me why and I learned alot from that. For one, in serious situations, I didn't need to ask why because I knew she had a good reason for telling me not to do something. To the time keeper: wow! I could never imagine calling Mom or Grandma by their first names, either as a child or as an adult. I've always called Joan Joanie and so does everyone else, so that's a bit different. But I think that calling parents by their first names is disrespectful and weird. We no longer speak with the extended family, and haven't done so for years. But when we did, I always called them Uncle/Aunt I was even taught to call my twin Adam's adopted mother, who's not related to us, an aunt. I never ask strangers how they wish to be addressed. I ask their names and go from there. But if I call on a stranger whom I've never met or thank someone, I always say sir or maam. I actually don't like the Ms. title and how so many online stores only have MR., Mrs. and MS. for shipping. Some people, myself included, have no problem using the word Miss.
I have no desire to hide my age from adults. I have a guy friend whose conscious of aging, but I honestly don't care...I'm half a year from 43. I simply don't like kids treating me as one of their equals...I'm not a bigger kid I'm an adult. We were taught growing up not to ask adults certain questions about stuff like age and income, it wasn't our concern. Now it's gotten to where working adults take time from their jobs to talk at middle school career day, & they're having to field questions we were taught NOT to ask of people who were taking time to be w us for this event, like "Are you married?" and "How much money do you make?" I can honestly sympathize with people who decline having kids based on what they see of modern children & their manners. Also I wonder if kids are being put in more danger by seeing adults as not distant, remote figures to be addressed as "Mr, Mrs, or Miss", but on a first name basis as potential new friends.
I think asking anyone about their income, unless they're really good friends, is rude no matter your or their age. Marriage can be a bit touchy because of various sexual orientations. You never know what a child will understand or what they were taught. But children are naturally curious and I think most outgrow the "ask anything any time" phase.
But why do you feel that kids are so much lower on the food chain then you spungebob? We are all people, after all, and soon those kids will be adults. Age has nothing to do with how a person should be treated.
*hugs* Agreed and I'm wondering the same thing.
Isn't it the same logic that says "everyone needs a good beating?" I just don't understand.
This might sound really rude, but I respect those who deserve to be respected. Yes, I'll call my mother "Mom", and my teachers "Mr.", or "Mrs"., but I'm not going to take the blame if I slip and call someone older than me by their first name. I mean, if there's an understanding that they'd prefer to be called by their title, that's fine with me, but I really don't see the huge deal with kids calling adults by their first name if they are not a direct athority figure for them.
They're not lower on the food chain than me, but I'm not their personal friend, either, or someone to bother like the classmate they consider weak. I seriously wonder how they are going to interview for a job if they see adults as their equals. Try www.msn.com for those occasional interview bloopers they have & how these folks didn't get hired, one interviewer was even referred to as "Mr. Dumbass" when his name was "Mr. Dumas." IMO the way kids treated adults during my childhood as "Mr" or "Miss" whatever is preferable to the way the call out "Hey you" or treat adults as much older kids. I take my daughter out to spend time with and parent her, not have kids treat me as one of their playground pals or the weaker classmate they give a hard time.
Saying "hey you" is quite different from merely using a first name. It all depends on how the child acts. I certainly never thought of adults as big children. I knew that they were adults. But I never feared them either. OceanDream, I'm the same way and respect those who deserve it. Sure, I'll give general respect to anyone, unless they've acted in a way that made them lose that right with me, but if someone really is bad or whatnot, I won't give them any respect. This is especially true for those who put down The Gods, my country, my immediate family, me or my boyfriend. Disagreeing or even expressing negative opinions is fine so long as it's done respectfully.
i was approached by an older woman who asked me my name. i told her, and she insisted on using it. i asked her her name, and she said mrs so and so. now i was thirty back then, yes she was eighty zillion or whatever, but her atitude was, i'm older than you, so i should be respected. erhrhr, yeah, so you came on this earth before me, but if you wish to converce with me, you don't get all assey when i ask your name. i think i asked her her name when she made some comment or other that i wanted to forceably address. was she running scared of me maybe? hiding behind her mmrs so and so? don't know. i felt wierd after that encounter anyway. names are meant to be used for a reason. yes if that person is a clearly defined officer of authority as a doctor or police, then yes officer this or that, but anyone else, unless they say, my name is mr x or mr y, and they accord you the same formality, then so be it. i just don't like being talked down to by older people i think, and taht's what this zillion year old croan was doing.
I remember back in the day when I lived at home
My Dad would have this one fellow over, a carpenter,
who he would hire from time to time to do odd jobs.
This fellow would ALWAYS call my Dad by
Mr. and then his last name and Dad would say, call me
...and he would give his first name, So then the fellow
would say Mr. and say Dad's first name and Dad would
say, No, I want you to call me by my first name and no Mr.
because that was my dad...
Well this would always to lead to an argument...
The carpenter fellow saying, I was raised to call people
with a Mr. or Mrs. title as a show of respect and then their name.
Dad would say but you know I don't take to all that Mr. stuff
and then he and Mom would talk it all over later on and Dad
would say, Well, if he REALLY was to show me respect
then he would name me as I request.
That was the way I was taught... on and on these two
fussed for years... Dad got to be in his 70's and this carpenter
about 20 years younger... still they fussed.
I remember Dad so disliked being called Mr. that had
he not appreciated the extremely fine carpenter work this man
performed he would not have hired him, just for showing him
what he considered to be a lack of respect.
...I find I am a lot like my Dad... I don't take to being called
Ms. Mrs. or Miss though if to choose then it would be Ms.
Just call me by my first or middle name
...or Darlin' would be fine
..even Hey Darlin'! *Smiles
lol Wow! I've never heard of anything like that. For some reason, it really made me smile. But your dad was right. Even if you were brought up to call people by Mr. Mrs. etc, if they specifically request that you call them by their first name and you know they're serious, it's totally disrespectful to do otherwise.
Yes, Dad was totally serious on this...
Guess maybe it made him feel old
After all, that was his Dad's title.
Dad would also say, & I realize this is off topic,
only this has given me to remember Dad,
now passed on 20 years ago...
Anyhow Dad would say, You know If I knew I was going to die tomorrow
I would still dance today and then he would go and do an Old Irish Jig.
...all goodness I sure miss Dad sometimes
Wouldn't mind about right now listening to one of them old arguments.
Then again it did give the two of them something to talk about!!
Maybe it was just their, Dance of Words Between The Two of Them,
in a manner of speaking..
No. I won't call someone "hey you". If I know their name, I'll use it, and if I don't, I'll call them "sir" or "ma'am", but unless they have specifically requested that I call them "Mr." or "Mrs", I don't agree with the assumption that I have no respect for that person because I used their first name, and I really don't think children of any age should be punished for this.
I apologize to the older posters but I need to say this:
I am sick of this mentality of "I am older so you must cower and worship me. I am to be feared." It just creats unrest and general disquietude. That is all I will say about that.
If out shopping and a sales clerk comes up to me
or say in a restaurant and a waitress speaks with me
I personally would rather they ask me a question or
make a comment by saying something to the effect,
Hey, listen I've a question... or
Hey, listen, excuse me, don't mind if I recommend...
...just please do not call me, ma'am
That just sounds like I am being thought of
from some totally removed generation...
Especially if a guy were to say, ma'am
{remember I prefer the, Hey Darlin'!}
And I don't consider myself to be a "Cougar"
or one that would "rob the cradle."
I know I too have been in the habit of saying,
Yes/No Sir, Ma'am, etc...
I have found men overall respond positively
if I use the "Sir" whereas other woman that I know
give basically the same response as I do,
Please, Not ma'am, I am not THAT old!
Maybe at one time and too, in some areas, ma'am
may be a title of respect... then again it can be
considered more so to being casting offence.
As far as children in the neighborhood, I feel comfortable
if they simply say, Hey Neighbor Lady....
I don't mind being called Miss or maam, though I prefer the former. As for age, my boyfriend Spiros is 65 and I've met several of his friends. We're all on a first name basis. But I notice that when he talks to the partner of a friend, and when he/she is not as close as the friend, he'll speak formally to the person. For example, our friend Vassilis is 73, and even though he's older than spiros, we call him by his first name. But Spiros addresses the wife of Vassillis formally. I call her by her first name and no one, including her, seems to mind. But if I were asked to call someone Mr. or Mrs. I wouldn't be offended, since it's their request.
I guess this is all just a generational thing.
Everyone has a right to have a preference as to how others address them, and we should all absolutely respect that, but age, to me, shouldn't have anything to do with respect. Okay, so the adults have been alive a bit longer than children, but it wasn't the child's choice when he/she was born, and I've known plenty of children that behave better than some adults.
Spongebob, it’s definitely not my job to criticize your parenting abilities. In fact I commend you for wanting to raise polite and well-adjusted children. The tricky part is though, not everyone’s family situation is so black-and-white. I honestly don’t believe a child’s behavior depends on what their parents deem as respectful speech. A kid can still be a brat no matter how they address adults. Also I think Mr. Smith is just as creepy as Bob, if he walks up to a child and asks to be friends.
Lol, The dumbass thing is true? I remember seeing that in a commercial a few
a few years ago... sorry for the broken post.
I agree with most on here. I don't require children to call me Mam, Miss, Mrs, or, Ms. I prefer a child to use my name; (if they know it). I also believe in addressing others as they wish to be addressed. I don't care if the person is younger than myself and wishes to be called Mr...I'd do it; if they requested it. However, for me personally, mrs, miss, ms, mam is just to damn formal, and there are right times to be formal, and right times to be informal. I prefer the informal when possible, but I do try to show authority figures respect by calling them Mr...unless he has introduced himself by his first name and calls me by my first name. An example, as some of you may know I'm going back to school. I'm working with an enrollment officer that is about my age. He calls me by my name, so, I call him by his. I don't mean any disrespect and he hasn't complained. My point in all of this rambling is this; why should children be treated as less than human? Ok, if you've requested the child call you by Mrs. so and so the child should, but maybe it's not the children either; maybe it's the parents/grand parents, ETC? Children are just not taught the same as we were taught, and that goes to all areas of life not just the minor issue of address. Oh, and here's another one...Pick your battles, you can't when them all, so, why not choose the ones that are important to win so that you can put all of your effort in to the battles you've chosen. Think about this, a child treats you disrespectfully; (or at least disrespectfully in your opinion, may not be the same in his/her), ask yourself: how often am I truly going to be dealing with this child? How much harm is his/her address really doing? Why might the child be acting in given behavior; is it really the child's fault? Or, does he/she simply not know any better? And finally, how much harm is my criticism of this child for such a simple issue going to do? Each child begins life with a completely clean slate; what are we writing on that slate?
I was taught to start more on the formal side of the address scaille and then move up or down as the person wished, unless the situation was a formal. I learned quickly its easy to give people the title they believe they are due, "showing respect" while actually not really respecting there person or title at all. I look at it as showing respect they are a human and granting them the form of address that makes them feal most comfortable. I don't immediately respect elders more than I would anyone else, I might treet them differently but I know this is because of the social norms that are expected. People start with a surtain ammount of respect in my book and either move up and down on the scaille as we interact.
Honestly, I find it pathetic when people hide behind there title or age like a shield, foolishly believing that it is enough for them to immediately slide up the totom poll regardless of who they are as a person and what they've done/not done. If you're a pile of shit, i'll view you as a pile of shit, social custum dictates that for the most part I treat you better but it doesn't mean I "respect" you at all. The older generations seem to have such a flawed concept of "respect because according to their system, you really arn't being respected at all. Because if you're forced to doo something, how does this equate with one genuenly respecting someone? its just a hollow gesture.
Just my thoughts.
Well put indeed!
although I was raised to call adults by their last names, I think it's about time the older generation realize times have changed and are continuing to do so. I'm respectful of those who respect me...and, excuse me for saying it, but respect is earned, not automatically given cause society says it should be.
That is correct. Time to get rid of the records and drag out the mp3's.
Records? Where! Me want! lol Seriously, though, some things are just meant to change. It used to be that a woman showing her ankle was a big thing in Western society. Today, it draws as much attention as one showing her nose or her hair. As was stated, most of us don't mean disrespect and would use the words that people prefer when we know how they feel. We just see things differently.
That's right, and by the way, I do like records. Lol.
I think much too much is made of it all, and makes "us older ones" sound really really really childish. Respect is earned and not commanded. Margorp I don't blame you. Very small men try and place big fears on others.
Hitler was known for his respectful manner, love for his mother and other virtues some hail.
What I taught my daughter was this: to show respect, just call the person by how they introduce themselves to you. Tiffanita, the formality equals distance in the relationship is common at least out here.
Generally it's been my experience people who complain, kick their feet and carry on about these sorts of things usually have other areas of concern they're not taking on themselves. Easier to blame a supposed lacking generation.
Frankly as a parent of a teen, much as I may joke about lol and lmfao, I find a lot of things teens are doing now to be quire refreshing. It seems to me, unlike the 1980s, a lot of teens are taking a greater interest in their world at large, not just in how much we can make, whose is bigger than whose and the like.
Thanks for making me smile today. I'm not in touch with any teens so was unaware of this. I'm glad that they're starting to care more about things.
It does seem as if they are more aware; at least that is what I have heard.
Actions speak louder than words, so if you want to respect people, let your actions, not your words, do the talking.
Yes, but sometimes actions become your words.
I understand that. What I mean is that calling someone "Mr." or "Mrs." doesn't automatically mean you respect them.
Ah yes that is true. Though it seems to satisfy the person beeing spoken to. I think it is usually out of bitterness towards the yunger generations.
I reread post 1, sounds like Poster 1 has a Napoleon Complex. I'm not the biggest man around, but kinda got past that after being what, early twenties? Once you're old enough to realize stature isn't all there is? Post 1 sounds like an adult version of Joshua-that-called-the-police from the other post.
Well some people feel it is their right to push around little kids I guess.
I contend such people are the smallest among us, not physically perhaps but in many other ways.
Interesting...I'm not keeping up much with the Joshua called the police from the other post, but it's amazing the things people can assume about others they're never going to meet behind a computer. And all the conclusions they draw...beating kids? Pushing 'em around?? No such desires, I really, except for my daughter and kids that act respectfully, prefer to avoid 'em. I was simply having a bad day and not feeling the need to account for it to an unknown five year old.
And it's not just the proximity some kids feel to adults, it's the idea that all behaviors are equal that's a bit disturbing. I see teen girls half naked outside places of worship, Asian and Mexican restaurateurs harrassed while trying to do legitimate business by teenagers, even families gnoshing and making a mess out of places like the public library since every person, place, thing, action is so equal and not to be judged...blech...These are behaviors I would much rather my daughter not learn.
As a child, I was taught to address my elders by their last name. Also, I was not to refer to elders as he or she, but address them by an appropriate title. For example:I could not say grandma is at the door "she" wants to speak to..... I had to say grandma is at the door, grandma wishes to speak to.....
How can we expect to have/raise well adjusted children when we allow them to treat others I.e adults as their equals. I've seen situations where the children are allowed to participate in adult conversations, and this does not bold well for the child's behavior. I believe that a child/children are a direct reflection of there parents, and it should be up to the parents to teach respect, manners, and the atributes of politeness and curtisey.
It is more often than not, that we allow telivision, the media, and other forms of entertainment to babysit children. And, we wonder why kids seem to have no respect for elders?
wow. first of all the child is six. not sixteen. come on now. she sees his friend crying and asks why is she crying. big deal. that don't make him a brat. I think it's actually the opposite. Did you ever stop and think he may be genuinely worried about his little friend? I think your the one that was acting like the child by telling him it's none of your business.. I understand you were upset with your daughter. but you could have handled that situation much more like the adult not the six year old! The same with on the play ground. there kids not your army serving you! Kids ask questions. How can you compare a kid asking your age to an adult asking your income? come on now it's nothing like. kids don't care about your income. If you stop and think you meet a family with kids. what's the first thing there asked other than there names? yep there age! I don't get this big headed holier than thou against kids, you seem to post a lot of it. Kids are kids and should be able to be kids, not your seen and not be heard unless spoken to follower! I may be a bit harsh, but that's me. kids learn by asking questions. There's nothing wrong with that. it's our replies that teach them. if you respond like a rude two year old. Then there going to learn that's the way to respond. you wanting to be called mrs. whatever, isn't going to do any good with respect if your teaching them being rude is acceptable. may as well be called hey you! Every parent raises there kids in different ways. times have changed. you could have a very polite childcall you by your first name. big deal. does it really matter that much? I could sure think of worst things they could be doing than calling me by my first name! my opinion anyway.
spongebob: The behaviours that you've described aren't appropriate for children or for adults. So I don't see how equality plays a part in it. The only exception that I could think of is clothing. What one person sees as half-naked another might not see as a problem. But minors do need to be extra careful how they dress because of the people out there etc. tear drop: I love proper grammar, but that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. You couldn't say he or she? what was the supposed reason behind that? I do agree with you about television and the media babysitting children. Parents need to start taking responsibility and to spend quality time with their children for educational and emotional reasons. How can they expect to get close to them if all they do is come home from work, pop something in the microwave and then go to bed while the kids watch who knows what? shea: I agree that your methods were quite harsh, but you made very good points. Children copy what they see and hear and you're right about age too. I can't understand why, after a certain age, it's all of a sudden a forbidden topic. If the child does ask something far too personal, as you said, there are much nicer ways of dealing with him/her than getting angry and repremanding. That said, it's understandable that if you're having a bad day, you' snap at anyone. Sometimes, people just want to be left alone.
i don't care how bad of day your having. you can't be hipacritical and say it's ok to be rude if your having a bad day. but at the same time complain that kids that asked a simple question were being disrespectful..
If someone talked to me like that even as a kid. I sure wouldn't respect them. respect is like trust, it's earned not automatic. It's one thing to want to raise your kids your way. but don't put other parents kids and way of handling things down, unless your perfect. and I sure don't see any of that here! lol! I've not once said a word about the way you raise your child, nor will I. but the way you react with others kids, is quite rude. if you want respect from them, show them a bit of respect and it will help teach them, even if there parents haven't! . may not go far, but at least you have tried!
and my last post may have been harsh, I did warn that is me. like it or hate it. I tell it how it is! lol!
oh and I should add, I guess I made it sound like this five or six eyar old kid was a friend of your child. I don't know if they are or not, and nor does it matter. but when kids see other kids crying, it's natural for them to ask. kids are curious at that age and do care ! it's not like he or she knew your daughter was in trouble. lol more than likely thought your child was hurt!
Now that I think of it, you're right. To be rude and then to demand respect is wrong. And of course children worry at that age. It's only natural. I'm like you in that I say what I think and I highly respect people who do that instead of beating around the bush or being politically correct about it. *smile*
thanks lol
As I've said before if you define these things as "respect" then feel free to live behind a delusional wall. Good day failing to earn real respect or those that like you because honestly you step into the spotlight and show us quite a negitive picture. You ask how we can speak badly of someone that we don't even know, just see from behind a computer screen. In response, I wonder how you can effectively place a correct judgement on that kid you are belitteling. Doesn't this look truely one sided? Or in your world, are the adults granted the power to be strikeingly blatant hipicrits.
I agree that you can't expect to make a good example for your kid by letting them sit in front of the TV all day, but some of the respect measures some people expect kids to follow is just ridiculous. Okay, so this kid can't talk like a formal public speaker. That doesn't make them a spoiled brat all of a sudden.
I certainly agree that adults don't automatically deserve respect just for being older...That to me goes along the same lines of saying "I'm your parent, so you have to respect me". If you don't earn respect; (and you have plenty of opportunity to earn respect with your own child even before he/she is even old enough to show respect), than why the hell should anyone show you respect. I don't respect my Dad, and before any of you jump my ass for it ask yourself this: If you could remember being 3 and cleaning up your father's vomit as he crawled back the hall to bed to pass out from alcohol consumption could you respect him? Should anyone respect him? I don't, and I don't think anyone should.
No the behaviors are not okay but to put it bluntly:
Not everyone cares about the same things.
I certainly couldn't respect a man like that and I'm glad you've taken that approach instead of the "oh, he's my father, he loves me/I love him" bullshit that I hear from so many abused people. It really gets on my nvers to hear of people who have physical scars or even fresh bruises etc. from their spouses who keep going back for more. The only ones for whom I make an exception are battered men, and that's only because, many times, they don't have the support they need from shelters and the authorities, who usually take the side of the women or don't believe the men/tell them to suck it up and so on. But even they are finding ways to get out of these situations and I commend them for it.
Most people feel a sort of duty towards abusers. It is sad.
Oh, I felt that duty before I reached majority, but I don't anymore, but back to the original post...I only brought up my dad because it is a simular circumstance in that some adults feel they should be respected because they've reached adult hood alone, and some parents feel they deserve respect because they've become a parent...My answer to both is the same, you want respect? Earn it.
Damn right!
Amen to that!
I echo the last post, too.
And that should be a simple message.